AND THE SURVEY SAID...

 The horrific events of September 11th still dominates most of our thoughts. Two weeks of head scratching has gone by. Fourteen days to figure out what the fuck is wrong with our species. Still none the wiser really. Maybe I am stupid or something. From the second day onwards one Osama Bin Laden was mentioned & mentioned & then mentioned again & again & again. Then Taliban this, Taliban that & so on. The problem for all the sane & rational people of this world is that in order to level something against some one you must have cause & some tangible proof. This hasn't come forward as yet. No doubt it will. All of us want one person or group of persons to pay the price for one of the most inhuman acts in history. The whole world is pretty much united & resolved in getting the culprit & dishing the punishment. Death if possible! However, by keep repeating one or two names you are not going to prove anything. You get mass public opinion but not necessarily the truth. In fact we may all as well say it was Tom & before you know it everyone is hating Tom. We can & should & hopefully will do better than that.

 The one person who I actually admire for being up front, yet diplomatic & polite, was Tony Blair. On his first CNN interview after the events, he was quite specific about " technicalities of declaring war" & also we ( The British) were on a war with terrorism. Different gig really. As far as I am concerned the whole event has gone, naturally, into crisis management from day 2-3. The tone of words & images has changed & evolved whilst our peers are trying to load up the ships & the carriers. Something as horrific as this can not be turned into another media circus. With rumours of " Palestinian jubilation" footage, being archive & so on. The fact is nothing changes the net result is the same. Innocent people lost lives as a result of some insanity. Who is responsible. The idiots that were flying the planes. Why, because normally terrorists operate from small cells, hence the term terrorist & not army. They do not have central command or anything complex. Funding? Well if some one is nuts enough to fly into a building at 300 mph then selling their possessions to do the funding wouldn't be much of a problem. For sure they may have had training & contact with Evil Bin Laden over the years & the argument goes that if he trained them then he is responsible. But we trained Bin Laden. Fact. We, The United States of America helped the Taliban take power in Afghanistan.Indeed we are all thinking away & in a much more honest way than ever.

 What I noticed we are facing now is the sad fact that a mere mention of doubt or caution will label you as Anti American. I prefer to call it realistic or something. I have been debating & talking with Pakistanis, White people, Black people, Muslims, British Jews, Americans & so on. One thing they all agree on is that the act was barbaric & unacceptable. Further more, they are quizzing the information they receive through normal media channels & feel they need the deeper questions addressed & debated too. I read the most ridiculous article in the Sunday Times, meant to be intelligent & credible, right?, about Anti Americanism & why. This was written by Bryan Appleyard. A big shot journalist. He is basically telling us that America is great because they brought us MacDonalds, Coca Cola, & Hollywood blah blah. We should cherish all this & embrace the American culture, is if we don't have any of our own. This coincided with another Journalist , the Editor of Washington Post, on Breakfast with Frost, on the same Sunday. His claims was that there were too many Anti-American articles & in particular mentioned the Guardian & named specific journalists. My view is that they know each other. Also there is an element of manipulation going on here. Debate is not Anti-anything. STUPID. It's healthy democracy. Non factual comments never stand the test of time anyways & we are all big enough to figure out what's rubbish & not rubbish. On the other hand, there was this article by, Julie Burchill in the News Of The World. Admittedly, a surprise find in this publication. But fuck. It's honest & doesn't take me for a fool. Bombing the Afghans who are have been starving is weak. Getting the Taliban out is important. Very important. To spend $40 billion , stage one, to hit Camels & rocks needs debate, particularly with the current economic forecasts. I will put money on this : Bin Laden is not in Afghanistan. China maybe. But not Afghanistan. If the whole world is looking for you in Hackney do you stay or leg it. He has definitely legged it. But will get caught, one way or another.

 Through healthy debate, exchange of ideas & fresh points of view we will resolve this & come out as the better race & people. This is already in evidence. For the first time I am noticing people questioning news reports. They didn't during Second World War, Vietnam, Korea, Gulf War, Kosova & so on. Now we want answers that make real sense. If it doesn't come out of the papers we read or the News we watch then it's through the mass of Internet News sites with very credible individuals that write for them. Oh yeah its a whole new age & a whole new era of mass realization. The time for Bin Laden is up as much as it is for the guy who got himself, elected in Belarus (he's got nuclear missiles & he is nuts), as much as Bush talking crap & PM of Israel refering to every Arab as a terrorist. I am confident that we will see a total revision of policies around the globe for men of power to behave or they will be out before they are in! The best example was when the foreign minister of this county, Jack Straw, was dissed by the PM of Israel for refering to Palestine as if it were a State!!!! Consequently. In less than 24 hours he got the calls met Mr. Straw & even Arafat. Optimism is the only way out of this chaos & I am beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

K. Savage
6th Sept 2001

SORT IT OUT!

Let's just remind ourselves of one thing. IT IS 2001. Right? In the middle of the day I get a call to go to the nearest pub to watch & witness the most horrible scenes I have ever seen on TV. Yes there are human beings hanging out of the 97th floor gasping for their lives. Why? Because some fanatical lunatics crashed planes into two of New York's sky scrapers, The World Trade Centre. This is insanity at its worst. The dark side of the human species can be very dark indeed. I do not know of any animal that can even contemplate this level of violence towards its own kind. As for us we are the onlookers. Powerless & unable to help. A very frustrating scenario for all the millions that ended up watching this tragedy unfold.

 Here we have 2 planes that did their Kamikaze dive into both buildings within minutes of each other. Followed by a third one into the Pentagon building & a fourth one in Pittsburgh. The easiest way of dealing with this is to call the people responsible ruthless terrorists, then hunt them down, kill them & that's the end of it. What makes me think, on the other hand, is not the anger & revenge but what actually drives a human being into blowing himself & a bunch of others up into bits. What must go through their heads? They must be really pissed off about something. Acts of extreme "madness" are normally committed by one crazy individual & not four all at the same time & with such military precision. I don't think even in the old days of the cold war the Soviets could have struck such a harsh blow at both the military & the financial nerve centres so accurately. The potential culprits are Mr Bin Laden & his murdering thugs in Afghanistan, or Gaddaffi in Libya, or the Palestinians, how about the Iranian or the Sudanese regimes? Today we find that none of them have claimed any responsibility & in fact sent their messages of condolences to the American people, despite their very big differences. Without doubt this is some Islamic sect that has convinced itself to a cause that involves such extremes.

 In this situation I blame the administration. On the first day of this disaster Mr President was hopping from State to State & bunker to bunker. All we got from him is that he is going to get these "folks". Is he really as insane as the terrorists? "Folks" is not the appropriate wording for this situation. Basically running like a scared rabbit & changing hutches to "confuse the enemy". We are now told that Air Force 1 was itself a target, hence the President on the run. Possible but unlikely.These people hijacked planes with knives using internal flights that is no different to catching a bus or a train. This could easily have been London. It may even come to that, god forbid. There are people out there who believe that they are not getting listened to by the rest of humanity. This is when they become inhumane themselves. Two weeks ago one of the main leaders of the Palestinians was assassinated by Israeli troops. It was reported as a matter of fact. Nothing said to Israel & that was it. Last week when the mere mention of racism, by the Arab contingent, was mentioned at the United Nations Conference on Racism two countries walked out. Israel & United States. We are also misled as to why the Taliban exists in Afghanistan. Reason, because we didn't like the Soviets being present. In Iran, the religious government came to power because the Shah was messing about with oil prices & very similar scenarios for Saddam & Gaddaffi. We have to look to our administrations & ask for transparency & accountability. Insist on it. Because at the end of the day, Bush is going to be in a bunker & Tony in his bunker. But its us lot trying to get on with our lives that have to burn alive or dive out of the 63rd floor.

 The American economy was in slow mode already & possibly going into recession. The World Trade Centre was exactly that. With no trading , a first since the depression of the 30's, we also have to get ready for a more imminent recession globally. The possibilities are very real. The London Stock Exchange is no compensation for the New York Stock Exchange. All the insurance companies involved will now have to sort the claims over the coming months. It will run into billions & billions. How do you price thousands of lives. Then there are these buildings & the businesses within them. The dollar has already taken a dive with the pound & Euro to follow. All this effects us adversely. It does not matter how much we hate politics & politicians. This is touching us in a very direct way through our life & economics. It would not surprise me at all if a whole mass of US citizens lodged legal proceedings against their government for neglect of their duties in respect of security. Personally I can not see how the current US president can stay in power for long. He lacks sense as well as leadership & is costing his country & the rest of us the world very dearly. We have gone into a whole new phase & things will never be as they were. Forget pearl Harbour. That was directed at the military & not the average citizen doing his thing in an office.

 There are absolutely no excuses what so ever for any group to take its cause to an innocent civilian population. But if our leadership took a bit more care & played less political games then maybe we would not have to witness such scenes. We have got to remember that we are the "haves" of the world & it is tactless to keep rubbing the "have nots" faces into it. It is natural that there will be a strong element of jealousy. In addition we have cultural & religious differences. The responsibility is really with us to embrace the rest of the world & recognise them as our own people instead of the divisive policies of the past 45 years. Colin Powell, ex-military man, is dying to go & bomb some one. But he can't say who he wants to kill. Is this really that different to what we saw in Northern Ireland last week. These are our own people & they deserve life just like the rest of us. I can not imagine this happening under the Clinton administration. There would have been a little more foresight, less arrogance. It is not very different to what we sam in Northern Ireland last week. We had those five year old kids going to school frightened out of their skins. These poxy politicians just sit there & watch the events as if it were a game. It matters not if the child, woman or man is an Arab, a Catholic/Protestant, an African or a South American. Are the jubilant Arabs on TV really celebrating the death of so many thousands or is archive footage? If it is for real is it really a correct representation of the majority or is it yet another wind up to make us hate as they hate us? All human beings are the same by nature. Compassionate , caring & emphatic. It is the responsibilty of our sad, twisted & dishonest politicians to SORT IT OUT. IT IS YOUR JOB. GET ON WITH IT & SORT IT OUT.

As for me I think I go the American church tonight & light some candles & pray that we can be a more positive people in order not to have to ever face this again.

K.Savage
11 Sept 2001

Carnival: NOTTING HILL Vs RIO

 You may have noticed, a bit, that I am a little in love with this town called London. To me it represents everything that is cosmopolitan (not the girlie mag neither), & more. It pisses on New York & LA & you don't even have to bring the EU cities into it. No contest what so ever, yet.

 One of my favourite things about London is the Notting Hill Carnival. You see I was living in Holland Park in the 70's which is when it all started. I've been going regularly, but not religiously, ever since. Every year it gets better & better. Bigger & bigger. So we do what we do so well in this islands. When its big & successful slag it off & start bitching until you get rid of it or have a different thing all together. Then it fails & then we all get to watch some dumb TV show debate about it.

 The London Carnival works. It epitomises multiculturalism to the limit. People are flocking, just for the week end, from Italy, France & Germany, to experience. More importantly to learn how to chump on a piece of Jerk Chicken in front of a massive sound system play dub so loud that you can feel your liver vibrate. The smell of food, the music, the buzz & the energy is a new experience each time I go. You can not buy this for love nor money.

 This year the media & the Police decided that they should put as many people off as possible. Here are some of the key words:
The lull before the storm, total cost of £4m , it's too big for the area, public order offence, last years stabbings, & as much negative headlines as an event can handle. I do not think any of this is accidental. The real trouble makers & crooks here are those sleazy Estate Agents in the Kensington Area that have their eyes on the unrealised potential of the real estate left in North Kensington. Get rid of the Carnival, buy out the houses occupied by the existing community bit by bit until you get a whole new neighbourhood at a big price. If the cost of security is so high then charge it & stop bitching. There are enough people to pay for this. The actual Trust that runs the whole event employs a hand full of people. That's commitment for you.

 On the other hand I have been to the Rio Carnival too. Actually the whole of Brazil shuts down for the Carnival for a week. As a result it attracts tourism from the whole world as well as their own South American market. The vibe & attitude is pretty much the same. Smell of food, Brazillian variety, Music (Samba Style). But the feel & vibe is essentially the same. The big difference is the approach to the event itself. It is turned into a money making event. Hotels don't discount & only book for the whole week. The whole of Rio seems to exist, at least in part, because of the Carnival. They do have a big edge on the London version. They spend a lot of time, energy & money to make it a successful event. I paid $700 for my ticket to see the actual full on procession. Guess what I was not alone. The whole damn lot was sold out ages before. The resulting floats & costumes are breath taking. There's also commitment. But not just from a few but everyone. For sure the Rio people, some, leave the place for the country side, coz they have seen it & done it so long. But the vibe is great.

 For my money, mainly because I love this town, I would rather do Notting Hill. For a start its cheaper, the street vibe is better. The Jerk chicken is tastier than the steak sticks you buy for 50 cents. And the range of music is far more advanced. In Rio you do have a choice. Its called Samba. In here, you have, Reggae, Dub, Calypso, Ska, House, Garage & anything else anyone wants to play. In fact I like this event so much I am thinking about hooking a pair of huge speakers to the front of my Harley & have a bunch of people dance in front.

Big Respecs to all that went & smiled all day.

K Savage
30th August 2001

FARC THIS FOR A LAUGH!!

 My auntie always says that the worse arguments are always the ones when both sides are right. It is a simple truth if you think about it. In a double right situation no body wins & both sides have to compromise. A very difficult task indeed.

 The best example of this is the current situation in Northern Ireland. Is this really a religious thing between the catholics & protestants or a political thing turned into a religious thing. We do know a number of things that may apply. For instance the British government has a historical track record in colonialism. We know that Northern Ireland is geographically well positioned for the military. We also know about the way the Irish had to actually fight for their own land to get independence in the 1920's. We know about bloody Sunday, Armagh, the City of London Bomb, the Birmingham four, Rev Ian Paisely, The Orange Order March, The Hunger Strikers & death of Bobby Sands, the RUC & over 20 years of terrorist bombings in & out of the mainland. Actually the whole thing really stinks of lies & treachery. But we got to deal with the rubbish. Yesterday in Oxford Street: Another bomb scare. Something we have been spared of for a good few months until recently. The Ealing Bomb is by no means a one off. I expect to see more of it & that really pisses me off. How many more times are we supposed to suffer before a bunch of stubborn over paid politicians get their act together to actually resolve the issue with honesty?

 The IRA has had a cease fire for a 2-3 years. They accepted & went ahead with the Good Friday Agreement. Recently they even gave a historic undertaking to disclose locations of arms dumps etc. Instead the timing was still not good enough & sure enough they withdraw. Then we got these 3 Irish men in Colombia. They are reported to be out there to train the Colombians. Believe me they do not need training in South America & Columbia in particular. The FRAC have half the bloody country under their control. However, put guns/ drugs & whatever else you can find together in all the reports & you are sure to piss them off again. The problem is that we can not verify any of the reports coming in from Columbia. We just got to trust them to be telling us the truth, which incidentally is not their best attribute.

 The problem with Northern Ireland politics is that both sides have strong historical cases & for my money the Catholics seem to have a stronger case. In order to move away from this ridiculous stagnation we need to urge our own politicians to recognise that forcing the issue on the Orange Men marching in their streets is a provocation. We need to accept that the other side is also well armed. We have to get rid of fools like Ian Paisely who do nothing other than stir up hatred. We have to get the RUC to function like a normal Police Force & not a military one. To keep calling Gerry Adams & Martin McGuinness ex-terrorists is not going to help. The sad fact for the rest of us is that both sides have guns & both sides can be exceptionally ruthless. I think it is now up to us to ensure our government gets it right & sorts the mess out fairly & with integrity instead of bullshiting all the participants of Northern Ireland Assembly. I am, personally, fed up to the teeth with the bomb scares which was so part of life each Christmas time in the West End & now it looks set to start again. Come boys it's so so 70's. Let's get a bit more progressive & force our representatives to earn their crust for once.

K Savage
23rd August 2001

RICH TATLER BIRD GETS IT WRONG!!!

 I am beginning to really enjoy this slot on the site. I get to bitch as much as I want about all the intriguing things in our wonderful contemporary life. All of them so alien that you'll think who the hell are these people anyway? How come I never come across anything like this. Its all fabulous. Absolutely marvellous. Top entertainment.

 Lady Bosh Bosh Victoria Hervey of dash dash posh name sort of Langley Upon Stratfordshire, who used to do a lot of horsey parties has just cost a bunch of people £350000 for the failure of her retail adventure. You gotta remember that she is the one who writes the first page on the Sunday Times. This important piece of work, each Sunday, used to be done by none other than Meg Mathews & the other twit Tara Plonker Pumpkinson. The it girl mob. The ones that have the most to say about absolutely nothing. All they do is go from one party & just lig on. I don't think they even get a leg over, well they don't look it. They just go out to special dos & then write about the do. Last night I went to this place & then names start dropping & then I went there. I call all this FUCKING BORING. Who cares where the hell Meg, Tara or Lady Bish Bosh went. We didn't.

 The good thing about these parties is the networking element. So if you are sexy & under 25 years & want to blag a whole business proposition, totally off your face, then you are Lady Bish Bish Bosh of Victoria Hervey sort. Bottom line in here is that we have a top looking English girl who managed to bullshit her way into talking a bunch of seasoned business people, banks, suppliers, etc. to invest a whole load of money in her Business, Akademi. I don't exactly know this, but I am willing to put money on it that the Shop is somewhere in the Kings Road area. Then you get a slot in a national sunday broad sheet to plug the unpluggable & still no takers. One thing I know only too well is Fashion retail. It really is fucking hard. Very Hard. At the best of times you just tick over & break even. Then for no reason what so ever you are in favour & just as quickly outta favour. Hard is the operative word & Lady Dish Dosh Victoria don't come across as a grafter. I can not see her sitting down & applying herself to anything, bullshit aside, for more than 30 minutes. I also can't see her level of expertise in a venture that is so day-in-day-out. I personally can't get away from my business. What, with the ensuing chaos. No way. But lady Fishy Victoria can. She even had designer dog T.Shirts in stock. Very popular item for dog lovers & dogs in particular. Bargain at 30 quid. Dream on baby.

 You see, like mad man Frank Zappa said, if you are good looking then you are in. Ugly people generally have a harder time selling anything. We are currently going thru a phase of "if it looks good then it must be good". The best part of the story is that Westminster Council, run by the Tories, has lost a few grand here. So respec for Lady Bosh Bosh shuffele shuffele. She lost 20 quid & her mate about the same. In this wonderful scenario everyones except the mugs who got conned into believing someone called Lady Bish Bosh Victoria Hervey. The name alone would have put me right off the project & that's before we get to merchandise for fucking dogs.

K Savage
17th August 2001

FOOT, MOUF, HOOF & HORN

 Here's another intriguing twist to the saga. The general public perception of a farmer is, to me anyway, a tall geezer on a 4X4 quad or tractor, with wellies, up to the elbows in mud, bits of straw in the hair & trying to get a moo to do something it don't wanna do & making little money in the process. If there was a public relations person to project & profile such a hard-done-by image then corporations & governments will be laughing their nuts off. Well some of us know different. For a start they are all tories & this is where the problem begins. Greedy little buggers working on the sly & getting away with murder. No pun intended. They are all subsidised to the max. Grants galore. They are also somewhat unionised to connect with who ever they need to connect to or network.

 During the Hoof & horn crisis that's bored the fuck outta me we have had to sit there & listen to their hard luck stories where in reality they couldn't have had a better scenario. It's the governments fault for not culling the cows quick enough, you see. They need to lodge their claim forms. But the picture we are given is these poor animals being put down & how sorry we are supposed to feel for them, coz we love animals & they know it. The main issue with the crisis is their bad & appalling practices at their farms & slaughter houses. If they got their shit together properly this wouldn't have happened in the first place. As for them being animal caring rural nature loving. Yeah, right. Another lie. Just look at the way the keep these poor animals. Look at the way they try & force them to fatten up, chemically, to get more per head. Farmers thing is a money thing. The animal is just another product, a live product at that, that is used to generate profit. However, this profit seems to rely on huge government & EU subsidies to keep going. It has got to be one of the few sectors left that still relies on this sort of hand out. I say let the buggers loose on the market & teach them the basics of competition.

 The EU says it wants to investigate these claims & will seek reimbursement from the UK government if there are dodgy claims. You can bet your sweet peas that there will be a lot of dodgy claims. They are tories, after all & just can't help themselves. I wonder what would happen if my T.shirts started giving you guys some kind of mass rash. Then I can call the Army in to come & burn my boxes of stock, invoice the government & stand in front of cameras looking sad & stupid. It's a no go right? They tell me to piss off & sort it out with my insurance people. But no farmers can't do this. God forbid. They give us the nations food. Not. Milk that's enhanced. Meat that's not healthy & only just passes the tests. Chickens that eat each others shit all their lives & then looking so so fresh in a Tesco's multi pack, for £1.99.

 Let's look an alternative way of dealing with this hoof & horn mob.
a) No subsidies what so ever.
b) Better health & hygenic standards.
c) Less production, as the EU is over supplied, so they are not forced to buy produce & then spend money to store it.
d) An insurance scheme to ensure a commercial business does not become a national burden.

 If we are all going to have to work live in a capitalist society then we need to have this defined fairly & applied to everyone. The farmers are truly getting away with it. I haven't met any as yet who is hard up.

K Savage
6th August 2001

FISH, FISH, FISH

 I had so many fags & coffees yesterday that I just couldn't sleep. About 11:30 I flicked to ITV & saw a debate programme called Late London Tonight. As I paused to see what it was about I was dragged into it. Yeap I ended up watching it.

 The programme was about FISH RIGHTS! Do What? Fish rights? The distinguished panel had in the audience people from the Royal Society of Fishy Things, the Fishy Peoples Gazette, Fish Federation of the England, Wales, Scotland & Northern Ireland, The Fish forum. The believers & non believers in angling & fishing. Theres was a girl from the States, Petta , who was an activist from the Fish Liberation Front, FLF.

 God, it gets real complicated for us here, in the West. We give little consideration for actual humans but are right on with the Fish. Human beings talk so to try & help them they might say things. Fish just drink so you can help them safely knowing they ain't gonna grass you up. Is angling OK? Well I suppose if you like sitting in the wet for hours & wait to catch Nelly the Pike then it's OK. Not for me . What I always like about these guys is that they always put the Fish back in. I would go & do a nice dish with them, thinking I earnt it. I am very simple like that. No it's not cruel either. I can't do it & won't do it. I hate seeing animals suffer. Hook in & out of any animals mouth must, at the very least, be very stressful. I certainly wouldn't like it done to me. But they do have a funny nervous system that makes it difficult to determine the level of possible pain they endure. Angling is a legal activity. The Fish Liberation Front is not always so legal. They think it's ok to attack Anglers, burn shops that sell the equipment. Petta from the US should fuck right off to the States & try & lecture her own lot. The United States is the world's biggest polluter in the seas & rivers. Lobby that MoFo. They are also the biggest emitter of nasty niffs. Lobby that as well Petta darling. Anglers do not harm the environment, as they are interested in catching Nelly The Pike, again & again. They may be weird but no destructive. At one point she was nearly proposing that we should help the third world nations to change their eating habits to stop eating Fish. Try saying that to a Bangladeshi.

K Savage
6th August 2001

Atomic Bollocks, Mutant Kittens or flash in the pan?

 Sometimes the world we live in appears totally fucking insane. The perfect, recent example, is Destiny's Child Vs Atomic Fools or whatever their mangers & record company decided to call them. I was quite shocked when I heard it yesterday on some telly show & then very pleased that Laura Craik, Evening Standard, picked up on it.

 Laura & I pick up on what you can't say on the paper. Atomic kitten are shit. They also look shit. They sing shit. And all the grooming & styling in the world ain't going to help much. Shit will be shit.

 I had the misfortune of having the brats in the shop just as they got signed, followed on by camera crew. I thought they were shit then. So much so that I just left the shop & went next door to the pub until they left. So so full of themselves. Running around like spoilt rabbits we just got a deal, we just got a deal. At the time they all looked like these fat teenagers you see on some soap shot somewhere up north in a council state. But right now they look cool. The weight has gone. The hair has been cut & styled. Just average looking butt ugly prats. And still no talent in sight.

 Have you noticed that hardly any of these bloody girl/boy bands even bother to mime a new original song. This is where we can at least give some cred to the Spice Birds. Ok you can't write, play, sing or dance, but we'll try & give you something original. All we are forced to hear now is fucked up covers of other bands. Bad versions that is. Mainly because the record companies have to play it as safe as possible which in turn is because of the millions they lost signing stupid people like this lot. You see, after a while these girls actually start believing that they really are stars. Really talented & so on. Then they mess the whole show up & you got it. It's out of the window & the record company hasn't a chance in hell of recouping the investment. This applies quite well to Atomics Anonymous. Didn't one of the super stars quickly shack up with some boy in a silly boy band & got one in the oven. I don't think that was part of the bigger plan now. Was it?

 On the other hand you get these girls like Destiny's Child, just love saying her name Beyonce. Actually talented. You know, I can sing properly not all that Karioke harmonising shit we do when we are pissed. Did you see her sing at the Party In The Park Gig. She so obviously showed off her vocal capabilities. I think it was mainly to let the others know how far behind they are. Then they all looked sensational. They were in charge of their stage & not faking it. The new single, bootylicious, is in fact a very clever song & miles ahead of the competition. Sampling & using bits of other artists material is totally ok, if the end product comes across as fresh,original & fun. Ask Wyclef. More importantly, as Laura mentioned the guitar bits being from Michael Jacksons's song, well that's fine. It's the same record company. Cheaper in house, innit?

 Ugly Kittens is, in essence, a bit like a Big Mac. It's crap & loads of us consume it. However, it will never have the cred of some top of the range Italian Cuisine. Therefore, a flash in the pan. Soon enough one of them will be going out with some footballer lad or Chris Evans or such get pregnant & that will be the last of them. Trust me. It won't be long.

K. Savage
30th July 2001

Kelly's Gettin' Big!

  Remember the days we all used to get up & watch the Big Breakfast just to gawk at Kelly Brook. Well I used to. Then one morning absolutely nothing. Obviously, Johny will be a hand full, no pun intended, for most girls sitting next to him. Also he was mates with Denise & they just did their thing. Not quite so with Kelly. She's 18, a bit naive & actually a model, lingerie variety, in the main. But all this is old news I hear you say. I agree, except I saw a picture of her on the cover of OK, July 27th. Being a compulsive consumer I gave Mrs Patel my £1.95 & got the magazine.

 Bloody hell, there is 11 pages of her. Lots & lots of Kelly's. The interview & the photo shoot take place at her "rented mansion" in Hollywood, for a fee of course.

 The usual ingredients of cleavage & midriff is present in every shot. Nothing new there. But you gotta love her. Here is a girl that started getting media attention at 18 & now that she is 21 she is getting even more attention. I love the way OK & Hello always prop & big things up out of all proportion. The "much awaited" or the "highly acclaimed". No matey. It's not acclaimed nor have been waiting for it. It's another stupid American soap in LA. Mainly because the buggers are too lazy to leave their patch to film up the road. Anyways, she's doing this film a bout Fruity Fiona or something. God only knows. She is hoping, praying, that it will come here too. Of course it will darling, didn't the rest of the rubbish make it to our screens? Apparently it is unheard of for a Brit to get a part in Hollywood so quick. Possibly, but then again being with Jason Staham, can't do any harm either.

 I love Kelly's humbleness. In one article in a tabloid she was claiming that she couldn't understand why people paid so much attention to her boobs & her figure. Well here's the shocker: it's because they are huge & you know it & more importantly you keep getting them out. Or cast you minds back to that movie premier of Lock Stock where she showed up with the most amazing dress. Bottoms up as they say in Bombay! She managed to totally overshadow the actual event with her arse on the front page of all tabloids. If it worked for Liz Hurley then it will work for Kelly. In this interview, she claims that people don't recognise her on the streets, when she isn't wearing any, make up. Oh dear oh dear. It must be fucking terrible.

 What I do love about her, so far, is the fact that she is categoric that she is from here & buys her beans regularly from some Brit shop! Seriously, she seems to be stuck over there until things get cool for her over here. Obviously she can't slag the place too much or she won't get any jobs. I also like her attitude towards marriage, with her geezer Jason. Personally I think the government should help all married people get a cheap & quick divorce. Then everyone would be in a state of singularity of sort & the game would be that much more interesting & probably last a lot longer. Is Kelly Brook a Bimbo. My answer would be a resounding No, but young & naive. If all our 21 year olds were like her, we'd be rocking!!! Her looks & figure give her a very big advantage & she is smart enough to use it to move on in her life. I tell you something if I was a bird & looked like Kelly I'd be a right old slag. Check her site www.kellybrookonline.com.

K. Savage
30th July 2001

Tory Boy Gets it

 Woah!! Here goes Jeffrey. If there was ever a more ironic & yet pathetic story, this will be it. I never indulge or pay much attention to what these buggers get up to. I don't like them. Period. You know Jonathan Aitkin, Hamilton, the other geezer with an orange in his mouth, Norman Tebbit & so on.

 Oh yeah, how about the Westland thing. Basically the Tory party, which was in charge of this country for nearly 20 years is rife with this kinda crap. What pisses me off is the fact that we only get to catch one of them some years after the bloody event. So hypothetically this idiot could have been the elected Mayor of London, had the news from his bum chum, Francis, come to us after his election. If he was so so conscious of all this then why did he not come forward before. How many years does a person need to get conscientious about a wrong doing. I think we should start poking at Francis too. Or have they done that already & not got anywhere yet? Hmmm. The fact is that they are all at it. Big time. The Tory mob is full of lectures about every issue & yet suffers the most extreme case of hypocrisy. It is common knowledge that a lot of politicians & business heavyweights have to pay for sex. Who the hell wants to fuck Jeffrey for free. Get real. It's the moral high ground that irritates the most.

 On top of all this we are getting the press to go on & on about the Missus. One Mary Archer. Not really fit is she? I am sorry, going on & on about Mary Archer is totally irrelevant. She lies for her geezer coz that's what girls do & vice a versa. To paint this picture of her standing there singing stand by your man is utter bollocks. She always seems to have this ultra constipated look you get on sick chimpanzees that has just been buggered by the local baboons. Getting by. Unhappily. Is she getting it from Jeffrey? Who cares. No I don't particularly like them. Their insincerity along with their arrogance then a dash of power & money. Too much & something we can do without.

 I had the misfortune of bumping into Mr Archer about 2-3 years. It was the gathering of the mobs. In fact I got more respect for Millwall supporters on a Saturday afternoon than this lot. It was the celebration of Diwali, the Hindu New year. This event was held by, ready, the Wonder boys of continental Asia: The Hinduja Bros. I was invited to attend by my mate Sarah, who had tickets. Others present were Mr & Mrs Blair, (The PM for the UK), Mr David Frost, a bunch of Asian business men & local politicians as well as Keith Vaz. There was a lot champagne & cashew nuts flying around the utterly false gathering. My first question was why is Tony sitting on the same platform as this Archer boy. How the hell did two relatively unknown businessmen manage to persuade such a heavyweight bunch of politicians to attend their new year. I figured that David Frost was paid to be doing what he was doing, unconvincing as he always is. Tony was getting a bung for the Dome, about £6m, the faith Zone. The Bros were getting their dose of British culture & politics, a passport & god knows what else. All at a price. But why is Archer here. I was, indeed, a confused monkey. So I carried on bitching about it to Sarah. Poor girl almost apologised for asking me to come there in the first place. The silliness continued until the end of the session when everyone, except for the Blairs came down & started networking. Sarah, knew one of the Hindujas & went along to say hi & bye. As she returned good old Jeffrey made a bee line towards me came over to shake hands & introduce himself. I physically pushed Sarah in front to avoid the imminent hand shake. No the fucker was not having it. Why me, I kept asking? Hi I'm Jeffrey Archer. I'm thinking yeah, right fuck off now before some one sees me. I really cringed. The other thing about Jeffrey is the hair that pokes out from the top of his shirt. He should get 10 years for that alone. I don't know. Best way of describing the whole Archer fiasco is we need to tighten up our system far more to prevent creeps like him ever getting anywhere & nailing them good & proper & at the correct time, without the need of their bum chums turning on them. Now we are getting busy about this man going to his mum's funeral. Are they fucking serious??

K. Savage
21st July 2001

ANOTHER FUCKING MESS

Flowers mark the spot where the victim fell

  Global warming is not an issue. Endangered & nearly extinct species are not issues either. Child slave labour, poverty starvation & prostitution are not issues but heart breaking facts for me. The very harsh realities of the way we do things & at what cost. I love my own species. We are all, nearly all, programmed to care & protect our own lot. However, for some reason we seem to think it is not that important to actually think deeply about our surrounding habitat. We are still too busy treating starving children as a cause for some charity & not as our own personal problem. Other than viruses I can not think of any other life form that has such a desire to fuck up & abuse everything that it finds around itself.

  So these things are not issues at all. They need to be addressed with integrity & sincerity. Does anyone really have that much belief in the integrity of their elected representatives. Most would probably say no. Hence these demonstrations over the past few years. All taking place at different places, languages, cultures & so on. Those it cross their minds that maybe, just maybe, we are getting a bit fed up with seeing & witnessing such backward ways of going about our businesses. For a lot of people the costs are too high & embarrassing.

  I can't really understand why they are so surprised when Joe Public reacts. I am totally opposed to violence. However, when the Police or the Military of a system constantly marginalise you, demean your efforts, assault you & so on then it's inevitable that it will lead to violence. How about raising the minimum qualification for entering the police force to at least a degree of some sort. Awareness & knowledge can help the police in the same way as it will help us mortals with no power.

  The death of a protester is not simply "regrettable" as the G8 delegation said in their press release. But a shameful tragedy for all of us. The President is staying on his Naval ship & the rest of them are staying in their Hotels with serious security. Who would have thought that a summit to discuss the planets economy & resources needs so much security. Are they just nutters. Maybe not. Historically every time someone tries to bring change or challenge the status quo they are immediately painted as nutters, criminals & so on. A bunch of them end up in jails, tortured, killed & then eventually years later the change comes into existence. Remember Mr. Mandela in South Africa?

  With the incredible speed that information technology has evolved & coupled with our ability to travel the world we are coming to certain conclusions. The haves of the planet, that's us lot in the west, are witnessing the events for themselves without relying on manipulated media to convey inaccurate information. The conclusion seems to be a simple one. Stop fucking up my planet & taking the piss out of my species. Protestors are not criminals but can easily be criminalised, as they would not be out there if the IF didn't take & destroy whole countries economies. The one person that had anything worthwhile to say on this was Jacque Chirac: " there is no demonstration drawing 100,000 to 150,000 people from all over Europe with out having a valid reason".

My thoughts are with the parents, relatives & friends of Carlo Giuliani who died yesterday in Piazza Gaetano Alimando in Genoa.

K. Savage
21st July 2001