THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS AROUND HERE!!

  Randomness is mostly for rabbits. One minute you are munching away in field full of carrots & then bosh!! You are grabbed by some huge bird's claws & pretty much fucked & bamboozled! In our world things are not so random. I am one of these guys who think that there must be a reason for everything. Things don't just happen. God does not throw dice (?).

The Necker Brothers.

Right now a whole bunch of stuff is happening that appear to be totally unrelated. First, the US election & the fact that we have 2 contenders running pretty even with one another. The selection of Kerry was no accident. There were talks of the previous First Lady, Hillary Clinton representing. But some how it did not happen. If it had then the current race would not have been so neck & neck. This is the typical way our systems, modern Western Democracies, are designed to deal with shitty situations. Sit on the fence. Go for the middle. Neither here nor there. This way we get to hear about an endless debate of the legality of the damn thing in the first place. I refer to Mr. Liberal America Michael Moore. This chap is now the champion of opposition to the current US government. He supports Kerry & just can not figure out nor understand Where did we go wrong ? He asked unknowingly, this has to be the damnest & rudest question in the world ever!! The answer to this is a simple one. America went wrong from its very early days. The Wild West & all that. From the genocides against the Native Americans, to Slavery, Vietnam & general interference in every other nations affairs; politically, culturally, militarily & economically.

Uncle S.

In this fantastic arena we have this war thing going on with Iraq. Well, is it a war? Who knows. The guys at United Nations certainly don t. We were told about Saddam s evil ways, which we tolerated & the absolute necessity of going after the little fucker. But guess what. There was no weapons. But the war still goes on. The chaos & the murders still take place & the soldiers are still like sitting ducks doing traffic duty In central Baghdad. The truth of it is that the American government needs to pre occupy itself with bullshit. This war is not about our terrible need to control terrorism. The CIA said there were no connections. This war is about distraction & nothing more. Our guy, Saddam, seem to have had it under control & operating under certain mandates from outside. He was certainly no threat when we were selling the damn stuff to him. Definitely no threat when he was gasing people at the borders with Iran.

Please trust me.

There is also the Europeans. France, Germany & the gang. With the Yank friendly allies the Brits. The reluctant Blair who wants everyone to love him & for history not to bugger him, as they did with John Major. The moves within Europe are amazing. We are talking a joint European armed force, huge home economy with its own currency & the historical reliance on previous colonial ties being refreshed one way or another to generate fresh allies, since the Americans have failed miserably of convincing the rest of the world that Coca Cola & McDonalds are not good nutritious foods. Who knows the United Nations, a defunct institution of zillion double standards, may well want to claim political asylum in Europe. I can see Koki Anan pleading for mercy in Dover for fear of life the other side of the water.

Missing in action!

Then there is this Arafat guy. The old two timer who worked ever so well with President Anwar Sadat of Egypt & President Carter of America. They all got on so well & agreed so much with each other that they decided to give one another Noble Peace prizes. I would do the same if I agreed with everyone around me. But Arafat is sick now. This apparently happened over night. First reports came as stomach cancer but this has changed to possible leukaemia in less than 24 hours. But the most important thing is that he is so sick that he got to leave Ramallah, to join wife & family in Paris. This will leave an inevitable short term vacuum. Better still the perfect long term excuse. This way he has not been toppled, killed or forced to go any where. He will not be seen as a man who left the battle field. Actually, I nearly forgot, he couldn t leave. He has been surrounded at the PLO head quarters for 2 years anyway. The only thing that went wrong with the PLO thing was Mr Sharon Vs Mr Arafat. These guys do not like one another at all. They have disliked each other since the 80 s in the South Lebanon invasion of the 80 s. Right now the pair of them are in the way of progress . One has to go. The weaker link is Arafat. The polite exit: sickness. There will be a leadership thing within the PLO & the old man will live in Europe for the rest of his days giving the occasional interview.But we got to remember that last guy who was so easily & quickly allowed to stay in Paris, after deportation from Iraq was Khomeini. That was definitely no accident either.

I m Hungry!

Back in Israel we have the Fat Man. Ariel Sharon, who by any measure should be up for war crimes. But right now is in charge of Israel. The Fat Man has good connections. He understands fascism so well. They even put on fashion shows by the new wall that is being built round the West Bank. The Middle Eastern concentration camp. The rest of the world just stands by & says little. This was Hitler's trick by the way. He was no accident either. Sharon s days look numbered as well. The Likud party will try & circumcise him again for taking out the illegal settlers out of Gaza, which he partly put there. So he looks like he is part of history too. He is even more irrelevant than Arafat/Bush & Osama put together. Here is a guy who marries the sister of his wife after she died!! Please. Give us some credit! Good bye Mr Fat Man.

I hate my dad!!

Now we bring in a stupid looking man. Osama Bin Laden. The world s greatest runner of all time. This is the guy who can run faster than twice the speed of sound. He can hide better than the slipperiest of snakes. Also the world s biggest clown & greatest liar. He is so full of bullshit that he could be easily signed by Sony as the Saudis best Hip Hop artist. Basically, we have a very funny looking guy who can bitch without screaming. I still do not believe that he had much to do with 9-11. But through continuous repetition we can eventually start believing that he was responsible. I heard what he was saying & how desperately he tries t take credit to increase his hard core-ness. I am not personally convinced. If I saw him I would just slap him & tell him to shut it Osama. I may even give him a kick in the arse. However, he serves our purposes real well. He hates the western thing because he likes the Islamic thing. He is really old fashioned & pissed off with his dad & uncle as well. He is an angry man. Not stupid but not capable of organising & masterminding such intricate global events & reactions. The 9-11 thing is not much different to any of the the IRA campaigns in the UK. They do their own thing independently & that s why we can not beat the little fuckers. Osama is just a screaming bitch. He is not the problem nor is he the cause. He is just another symptom. But we need him & Bush needs him more. To continue a war & multiple illegal occupations of countries like Afghanistan & Iraq, we must have a culprit to chase. If any multitudes of kids get killed by us in the process we can blame the whole thing on this one man. But we can not catch him or the game will end there & then. He also He fits the bill perfect & he is also quite alternative.

I am Tired of this shit!

So there we have the new socio-political solution. We need a clean slate. A fresh start. New faces. Let the past rest & look to the future. There is hope & you too will have a local branch of McDonalds. This brave new world will have a slightly more US president, John Kerry. It will have Tony Blair & the rest of the Europeans in charge of most of what the US was monopolising. There will be no Fat Man in charge of Israel because we do not have an Arafat to represent (sell out) the Palestinians. Osama will probably marry some Chinese girl & become a Buddhist. The only thing that totally sucks is the fact that innocent kids, soldiers & individuals will suffer & die along side each other.

NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THESE EVENTS ARE ACCIDENTS.

K. Savage
November 2004

ONE MAN & HIS RICHARD

Before, after, and after again.

Sam Hashimi

Samantha

Charles

 Here is a good example for us all. If you thought that you got problems or there is something strange about you then think again. You are fine. Really. Trust me you are absolutely A-OK, compared to Sam Hashimi. This is a chap who does have problems. His problems are really to do with Richard & his neighbours!!!

Sam Hashimi came to the UK in the 70s from Iraq. The original Borat! He made a load of money wheeling & dealing in property & his head grew a bit bigger than it should have. In fact he is also the original Al Fayad, Chairman of Fulham F.C. He tried to be the first Arab to own an English Football club. So his bid for Sheffield United was not much of a surprise. Basically seeking acceptance in an alien society via their favourite sport. In other words, if I own the damn club then they will forget about my accent & treat me as an equal Englishman. Eeergh!! Maybe not. You is what you is. That is the whole problem. The bid failed miserably, he did not get the club, & due to the size of his head he also managed to lose most of his assets. Then was arrested for fraud & general dodgy deals & imprisoned. Remember this is a true story & no Johnny Cash song. The Mrs left him & took the kids away as well. I would say, this man is now pretty much broken, mentally as well as financially. I would also say that there is nothing unusual about the sad story of fortunes being lost. Sad but it happens.

The twist enters when 7 years ago whilst he was undergoing psychiatric treatment he was allowed to become a woman. A Mangina, He Bitch, Man Whore, He She or politely referred to as transsexual. He underwent the operation to become a full woman, Samantha. A nice common Essex name. The only Samantha I know is the wife of my plasterer, from Essex. Through agreements & counselling Richard & his Neighbours were all chopped off. Hormones administered tits implanted, a vagina created, hair do re arranged & so on. Basically, all through that thing we all cherish so highly. CHOICE.

Samantha, aka Sam Hashimi, does not really say why his beloved wife left him. I submit it is because he was probably dressing in her underwear more than one or two occasions in front of the kids. But I was not there, I am simply guessing.

Samantha has now changed her mind. She wants to be a geezer again. She wants to be a She He, She Man or whatever. The new name is Charles Kane. Also, she is suing the Doctor who authorised the operation on the grounds that he was confused & the Doc should have known better. I disagree. It's your Richard & his Neighbours, you should know better. The total damage he is seeking is just under £200,000 in a high court law suit. I doubt very much the Doc is going to be found guilty, unless he really was in to chopping Richard & his Neighbours off. Possible but unlikely.

So Charles, aka Sam, went & bought a yacht, something he has no clue about, £85000 & is getting ready to have a reverse operation. The new Richard plus Neighbours will be derived from the skin on his belly plus a little fat a bit like the chicken rolls we get from Ranoush in Edgware Road. The artificial vaginal opening is closing down for good, like some of the shops in Newburgh Street. I have absolutely no idea what & how they are going to reinvent the neighbours of Richard. Maybe from his forehead.

He wants to be remembered or known as Charles, Samantha, Sam or whatever gender he is at the time, as the English Eccentric!! Yes we got weirdoes and strange Anglo Saxons do roam the green & pleasant hills of this land but trust me with or with out Richard & his neighbours you are the Iraqi Eccentric. I so wished they let this confused man buy that damn stupid club. At least Richard & his neighbours would have been safe.

I told you, don't you already feel better that you really have absolutely no problems compared to Samantha. I do.

K. Savage
October 2004

IN DA BUFF!

Yes we have that in your size.

Lovin it!

Dont forget the logo!

  You go to work doing your own thing then they scream for you. "SAVAGE: please come upstairs?" I am like in middle of stuff. There is this database issue that is totally exhausting my patience, to name but one. "Ok what is it now?" I asked unknowingly!

Hmmm: "Savage this Lady is asking if she can do a quick interview. She is from one of the TV Channels on Sky TV. "

"Hi, can I help?" to the lovely looking exotic lady.

"I was wondering if I can chat to you about London & fashion for 5 minutes?"

"Ok", I been told to cooperate with the press at all times. Powerful little fuckers, aren't they?

As I looked away & across the road I noticed from the corner of my eye that she was peeling off her top. Then the jeans & that s camera started rolling & she started asking me about London Fashion & what it represents. Totally naked. I loved every minute of it. Unfortunately I had no camera to take more pictures but this is what my mate Ra managed to salvage.

It will be great if they could interview Saddam or Bin Laden in the buff. Maybe one geezer & one bird as we are not absolute about their sexual orientation.

It must be true I guess. Sex sells. If can not convince a commissioning editor about your great idea. Then just put a nice looking girl naked in front of the camera & he will sign you up faster than you can say TITS.

K. Savage
October 2004

CUL-CHAIR IN DA OUSE!

Ionic Drawing - Regents Park, London

Ionic - Regents Park, London

Corinthian - Regents Park, London

Corinthian Detail- Regents Park, London

Regency - Regents Park, London

Gothic Villa - - Regents Park, London

Veneto Villa - Regents Park, London

Richmond Riverside Development

 The English are clever little buggers. Just look at the things they ve done over the past 300 hundred years alone & I am sure you will agree. Newton(apples), Brunel(Trains & bridges), Darwin(chimps & lizards), Watson & Crick(DNA),Hawkins(black holes) & Terry(houses). The whole colonial policy of 200 years ago was about sound of music from houses as far as I am concerned. In fact it is hardly surprising that House Music has been so popular in all the clubs the last 10 or so years. They knew that the brovas in Africa & Caribbean listened to a lotta reggae & dub. They also knew that in order to listen to such music you need a house made of wood, brick with a pitched roof & lots of fancy detail outside to show off the sounds from within. So when Bob or Lee Scratch is singing Dub Vibration they are essentially talking about the old colonial housing built around the townships. It was these houses that offered the best reverb as well as sound absorption without falling apart. This did not work in the Americas & they developed blues & jazz. A lot less structural stress, as any fool will tell you.

Building these type of houses is quite quite costly. In the good old days when everyone was getting paid less & still proud it was normal to take your time & build your building with loud Bass as a main priority. However, Thatcher put a stop to all this none sense., She sold the national silverware & tricked the nations craftsmen by telling them that money is more important than substance. The theory was that if it des not make money then it must be rubbish. But Maggie please listen, some things are just expensive but really nice.

Quinlan Terry is my hero. He may be slightly strange to some of us, but which artist hasn t been. This chap is labelled by many as a boring classical architect. The man is quite religious, according to Sunday Times, and a difficult employer. At 65 years he is still a strong critic of Modern architecture. Rightly so. I do not see any tourist visiting the Nat West Building or the new cucumber building in the city. But they still seem to fall over one another for the House of commons, Westminster Abbey or St Paul s Cathedral. The reason is quite simple. These are prettier to look at. To take the argument across the water you notice that New York, particularly Manhattan, is only nice to look at when you are 20 miles away from it. When ever I am actually in the middle New York I just feel claustrophobic. I do not care for one moment if I find myself agreeing with Prince Charles. Fuck it. The old shit is proper & looks nicer. The buildings that have been built over the last 30 years are all falling apart. But those built 300 years ago seem to still cope better. No matter what your tastes are but for sure you will prefer living in a nice Edwardian Terraced house, e.g. Notting Hill back Streets, or a big Georgian house as opposed to an apartment in middle of Soho or that horrible block overlooking the Park, in St John s Wood.

Like I always say, let the work/product speak for itself. Terry s vision has manifested itself in the Richmond Riverside development. If you have been to Richmond for a stroll then you can not miss it & not want to stop for an hour for a pint. It has also transformed & created the most magnificent view when I go through Regents Park on my Harley every morning & evening. Admittedly the Regents Park Mosque with its Golden Dome stands rather oddly some 100 yards down the road. But hey, planners are subject to bribe I guess. So I am go to give you a treat of what a true idealic house looks like. None of us lot are ever likely to have the money to buy one but the best part is that at least some one is pushing for them to be built properly. So we need a few more Terry s in da ouse for maximum roots, cul-chair & vibration.

You can commission Terry & his mates to do your house from http://home.btconnect.com/
erithandterry/1024index.html, your budget should be over 10 million per house, start saving now.

K. Savage
June 2004